Archives for the 'Kids' Category
Hairspray
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, “Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.” The grandfather replies, “I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t. It’s too wiggly and limp to […]
Peanut Problem
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He’d toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth.
In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded […]
Great Truths that…
Great Truths that Little Children have Learned
1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a […]
The baby shooter
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, “Well, I’m off now. The man should be here soon.”
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer […]
The “Middle Wife”
I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get […]
My grandfather was an extremely brave
“My grandfather was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion’s cage.”
“Oh. He probably got a lot of applause when he got out.”
“I didn’t say he got out.”
Kids jokes
A mother and the daughter are standing in front of the Venus de Milo. The mother says: “Look. This is what happens to girls who chew their fingernails.”
***
A visitors asks a kid from the country: “Where can I find your father?”
“He’s in the pigsty now . You’ll recognize him, no sweat. He’ll be the one […]
Beautiful mind is not necessary
“At your age, son, Napoleon was the best student in his class.”
“And at your age, daddy, he was the emperor of France.”
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A young man asks his girlfriend: “Would you marry a rich idiot?”
“Hard to say… How much money you got?”
Boss is calling
A boy picks up the telephone.
“My dad? And who, may I ask, is calling?”
“His boss?”
“Which one - the old mule or the total idiot?”
Modesty in sexual life
“Mommy, was my dad a modest man when he was young?”
“Sure he was. Otherwise you would be much older now.”
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