Archives for the 'List of...' Category
Signs That You’re A Drunk
1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
3. Your job starts to interfere with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
6. You sincerely believe […]
Knock Knock Jokes
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Sorry, wrong door.
Okay.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Federal Express
Federal Express who?
I don’t know. I just deliver packages.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Tom.
Tom who?
Tom Buchanan.
Hi Tom.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Pizza delivery guy.
Pizza delivery guy who?
You ordered a pizza?
Yes.
I’m the guy delivering it.
Great.
Knock knock
Who’s there? […]
Highbrow Genital Jokes
My genitals are so gigantic, and yours so woefully inadequate, that evolution laughs at you and promises that your male offspring will also be cursed with your ridiculous nubbin - thus dooming your DNA!
My genitals are so sweetly intoxicating, I was able to convince Cornel West and Camille Paglia to violently disrobe and vigorously copulate […]
The Feline Diet
Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people - such as getting lots of table scraps — most […]
Dogs and Light Bulbs
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. Then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.
Rottweiler: Make me!
Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?
Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!
Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You […]
Question and answer blonde jokes
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: How do you change a blonde’s mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: How do you measure a blonde’s intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: […]
Dog Property Rules
1. If I like it, it’s mine.
2. If its in my mouth, it’s mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
5. If I’m chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.
7. If […]
60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy
1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it’s cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don’t we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It’s more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like […]
Calories and Sex for women
Get him naked:
- if he wish it - 12 kcal
- if he’s not - 187 kcal
Take off his underwear:
- with two hands - 8 kcal
- with one hand - 12 kcal
- with no hands - 123 kcal
Wear him a condom:
- with erection - 3 kcal
- without erection - 367 kcal
Pose “69″:
- laying on the bed […]
20 things not to say when breaking up with your girlfriend
I will marry tomorrow. Come to the wedding.
When you will get out try not to stuck in the door.
I’m sleeping with your mother.
It’s smells like someone died here.
You should to go to the college.
Well. We could meet again after your plastic surgery.
Sorry. Forget to told you. My AIDS test is positive.
You will not find anyone […]
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