Archives for the 'Pets' Category
Getting Fixed
Two dogs were sitting in a vet’s office. The bigger of the dogs gruffs, “Whatcha doing here?”
The little dog responds, “I’m getting ‘fixed’. Whenever I see my mistress I get so horny I just jump on her leg and start pumping. It’s very embarrassing.”
The first dog says, “Yeah, I know what you mean. One morning […]
Men are so easy!
The Atlanta Journal:
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cosy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub […]
Dog’s and Cat’s diaries
Excerpts From The Dog’s Daily Diary
8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
Noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 […]
Smart mule
A hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later); she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought […]
Turtle love
A man goes to a psychiatrist.
Doctor: “What are your problems?”
“You know, doc. Every morning immediately after waking up I going to the aquarium to check my turtle. Then feeding her, giving he a water and taking her to a park to stroll a couple of hours. A then we coming back to home. And so […]
Funny pets jokes
“What a disgrace! Your dog howled the whole night under my window.”
“Don’t worry. It usually sleeps well enough during the day.”
***
One rooster tells another: “Lets go to a grocery store and watch the naked chicks.”
Rabbit Breakout
Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The […]
Warm and Moist
MAN: I’d like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He’s at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I’m sorry, I can’t sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.
The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I’d like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you […]
The Magician and the Parrot
There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good. He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked on stage and squawked, ‘’It’s in his sleeve!’’
The magician chased the bird away.
The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front of a smaller audience) when the […]
Hide the Duke
A boy was meeting his girlfriend’s parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy’s chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. […]
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