Archives for the 'Sex' Category
What’s the difference
Q: What’s the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: About 45 pounds
Q:What’s the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
A: About 45 minutes
Two Rednecks in the Bar
Two Rednecks were sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life.
One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way through a fence, with its butt facing the tavern.
One drunk says, “I sure wish that sheep was Marilyn Monroe.”
The other says, “I just wish it […]
Seminar in Texas
A visiting professor at Texas A & M University is giving a seminar on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 90 students raise their hands.
“Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think […]
More rope
There was a virgin who wanted to marry a farmer boy.
One day, she went to his parent’s house for dinner. When they got done eating dinner, they decided to go for a walk through the pasture.
While they were walking, they came upon 2 horses that were mating. She looks at them with wonder because she […]
Acceptable excuse
A college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there could be only two acceptable excuses for being late. A medically certifiable illness or a death in the student’s immediate family.
A smart-ass student in the […]
At the doctor’s office
A beautiful woman walks into a doctors office and the doctor is awestruck. All his professionalism goes out the window. He tells her to take off her pants and he starts rubbing her thighs. He says “Do you know what I am doing?”
She replies “Yes, checking for abnormalities.”
He tells her to take off her shirt […]
Duct Tape Not Fixing
Duct Tape, contrary to popular opinion, is not good for fixing everything!
Bill walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what’s wrong.
“Well,” replies Paul, “You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time […]
Gift for the mailman
It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift […]
The baby shooter
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, “Well, I’m off now. The man should be here soon.”
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer […]
Funny dialog
“Honey, It’s new life rising inside me…”
“Do you pregnant?”
“No. I got chlamydias.”
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