Archives for the 'Uncategorized' Category
Three dead buddies
Three buddies die in a car crash. They go to heaven and attend an orientation.
They are all asked, “When you are in your casket, and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?
The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a […]
Tilt
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to the local nursing home in Dublin and leaves her as planned, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast including All Bran and some toast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking […]
Best products
The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack; pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says, “In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world. Nowhere in the world you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukrainia. And we have so much of […]
Notice of Increase in Tax Payment Form
To: All Male Taxpayers
From: IRS
RE: Notice of Increase in Tax Payment Form
The only thing the IRS has not yet taxed is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up, […]
Reverend John Flapps
The Reverend John Flapps was the pastor of a small town.
One day he was walking down the high street, when he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer.
The Reverend wasn’t happy.
He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.
“Miss Fitzgerald”, he said […]
Candy bar
It was another Payday, and I was tired of being a Mr. Goodbar. So I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue, and I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, “Hey Sweetart, how’d you like to Krunch on my Big Hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?”
Well, she […]
Grocery shopping
There was a guy who was grocery shopping…when he was done he went up the cashier. He put all his stuff on the counter. He had a frozen pizza, case of pepsi, loaf of bread, thing of bologna, a bag of dorito’s, and a 4 pack of toliet paper.
The cashier started to tally up his […]
On bankers and bet
A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, “Three million dollars.”
The accounts person is startled, and says, “In what form?”
and the little […]
Great reasons to be a guy
- Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
- Your orgasms are real. Always.
- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- You don’t have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
- Chocolate is just another […]
Peanut Problem
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He’d toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth.
In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded […]
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